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The   Real   Stories   Behind   my   Friends


Last updated with new true info on 2/9/99

 This page is here to let the general public, mainly yourself
and others, about the people I hang out with, sometimes, very
unfortunatly.  Oh, don't get me wrong, they are all nice people,
but their past and present, and even sometimes future actions
are not something to be desired.  Amongst them, I feel normal.
Remember, all these stories and facts are used with their
permission, of course :), and they are all true, at least
somewhat true, sometimes kinda off the deep end but in some
ways indirectly related to some incident that happended or
will happen someday, most likely which I cannot be responsible
for if they do or don't happen.  Basically, George Washington
never lied and cut down a damm cherry tree, I never cut down 
a tree, see I'm better than George! :)

A NOTE:  This text below is rated MA17, those who become
         offended easily, please do not proceed. :)

In no order whatsoever:

Dave aka Cheif, Dueturonomy, GearMan: - after 14 semesters in college will finally graduate with a BS in Bar Management - steals menus from Friendly's, very sad, very true - even though 23, still tells girls he's 20 :) - decides with no skiing ability whatsoever to attempt a double-black diamond at Killington, failed, lost 3/4 of an arm and an ear, just don't mention this if you meet him - has a very strong right hand - an all-around nice guy, really - graduated with a 3.9 GPA...that is if you add up the last 4 semesters at Ship - has really naughty pictures of Bill Gates on his ceiling
Bob aka "2 Timer", "3 Timer", "4 Timer", etc: - tends to not sleep alone a lot :) - has a very week right hand, but left isn't bad - brings a picture a Vanilla Ice into a barber shop and tells the barber to cut his hair just like this, it didn't work, did shave his eyebrows like Ice though - actually bought both Vanialla Ice albums, yes, he had two albums out, I didn't know this either - has -plans- to goto law school, stress on plans - is basically a nice guy if he ever returns emails or phone calls
Beth aka Germ Sponge: - is trying to become a nurse, since she has a major injury every 2.3 days, is very used to the hospitol already - dates guys twice her age from Tennessee, anough said - went places alone with Josh...hmmm...what happened? - sometimes still beLIEves that people like her - has taken Chemistry for Idiots 12 times, and suprisingly, at last count, has dropped Chemistry for Idiots 13 times - likes ramming her car into other peoples cars, mainly, mine
Josh aka A Sloshy Joshy, Mr. Annoyance with a capitol A: - has had 37 girlfriends none of us have ever seen, before his current one, which only I have seen, or did I... - plays with big hards sticks a lot, for fun, even smacks people with them sometimes - his mom still combs his hair occasionally, in public - has set a Guiness record for most wet dreams after age 19 - has to do 25 hours of community service because of highly illegal internet operations that aren't in the "Friendly Code" - has broken up and gotten together again with the same girl 54 times in three years, and I'm really not kidding!
Laura aka Louisiana Goddess, Baby Tech: - puts up with me, a tough job right there - likes Metalica, who?? - has done Coke, Pot, Shrooms, and LSD, or at least told me she did when I met her :0 - has attended Mardi Gras, although she's never been to New Orleans, hmm... - is also known as the Magnetite Goddness, what?@!%>?
Monica aka Monica: - likes -really- stupid sports, and plays them too - likes really strange guys, and plays with them too - is way too tall for her own good - trusts anyone and anybody, still beleives the world is flat because we told her that 3 years ago
Pat aka Doc, The Smart Guy: - has had sexual tests done on him by aliens, 3 times - has 6 unknown foreign deseases from dating two many foreign women - is really, really, really smart - thinks you can't deposit litter...huh?? (very inside joke) - watches a lot of X-Files to see his friends - is going to Harvard Law, kinda nice to have a best friend going there, ya never know when you are gonna need him :) - has been deported to Japan but hasn't told us yet
Cole aka Cocoa, Bubbles, Party Pooper: - can't play video games to save his life - can't play goalie in any sport to save his life - speaking of hands... - is a really nice guy, just useless :) - has every disney movie, yes, he actually bought them - fav music is K.D. Lang - fav movie is Me and My Hand - has a cat with the highest meow ever..hmm, wonder why??
George aka Gerge, Lamb Lover, Little Bo Peep: - 2nd hairest person I ever met, 1st was at the zoo - but he's going bald..go figure - wears cream colored pants every other day..is that normal? - great cook - is 100% greek, so thats a big plus there - he's kinda tall and believes in the L-theory - wears Cancer Society shirts to bars while smoking 2 packs per hour..uh..ok
Kristin aka I have No Idea: - doesn't own any t-shirts smaller than size XXXL - is the smartest dumbest person I've ever met - thinks American Indians are the same as Asian Indians - can beat the shit outta most guys in most sports - can beat the shit outta most guys..period - has the VAS system and boy does she know how to use it
Matt aka "the non-Fitzer" one - is secretly an underground stockbroker with many money laundering schemes - has hit on every woman he has ever met and is currently batting .019 - and that is an improvement from previous average of .000 - "thinks" he can play sports...hehe, yeah, ok.. - non-secretly desires to be Fitzer, just so he can do Jenn - non-secretly desires to be Jenn, just so he can do himself
Jenn aka Rollergirl - is probably on everyones top 5 to-do list but doesn't know it - is a lot smarter than she looks - likes the movie Wild Things way too much - secretly desires me but is afraid to act on it cause I'm Greek - same for Gerge - since having the boyfriend, still buys way too many D batteries - thinks Nancy is really cute when drinking..hmm - hasn't bought a beer at last count in 47 days, but yet is drunk a lot
Nancy aka Huh?? - is a very cheap date, a shot of light beer and she's gone - was on Jeopardy, met Alex, we are all reeally jealous :) - has done lots of research at !!**JOHNS HOPKINS**!!but only a little atUPenn - has the "appearance" of being sweet and innocent - has the "appearance" of knowing what the hell she is doing - has probably hooked-up with Cole but won't tell us ;)
Thats all about my friends, in some indirect way, the info is really true. And until next time... -Marc (U2GreekGod)
Me in lots of powder in Deer Valley, UT!


Amazingly, people have actually visited this page, hopefully mostly by accident!